Mommy issues

My mom always gets onto me and yells at me. She’s also so verbally abusive. She’s also never here for me unless it’s to nag me about cleaning and chores. She doesn’t try to understand me or what I’m going through, she doesn’t even realize how she’s affecting me. She has been one of the main reasons my mental health has been getting worse, it’s because she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care and never will. I’m starting to think that she wishes I was never born. I wish I was never born as well, I hate myself and my life. She won’t give me a single chance to relax though. I sometimes hear my parents talking about how they ‘wish I could’ve just been born a boy then they wouldn’t have to have any more children’. And I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. Two of my sisters are half-sisters, one of them is fully blood-related, same with my brothers. My mom intended to have my two half-sisters but not me and my blood-related sister. She wishes we were boys, and if we were just born boys then she wouldn’t have had my brothers. It makes me feel like a burden that she was put through all that just because I wasn’t born a boy. I wish I wasn’t born at all. She takes all of that anger out on me and my sister though and it’s not fair. She baby’s my brothers but takes everything out on me and my sister. I get verbal abuse and my sister gets more physical. My mom is hitting her more but yelling at me more. My sister knows when to talk back against my mom, and I respect her for that. I wish I could to the same but I’m way to much of a sensitive person. It’s just not fair how she gets to take everything out on us and my dad doesn’t care, he’s hardly even home half the time. They always go out and get food for themselves but don’t care what we eat. All me and my siblings eat for both breakfast, dinner, and lunch is microwaveable pancakes, frozen chicken nuggets, or just any snacks she gets for me and my siblings. I just wish she cared more. If she didn’t want me then she should’ve have had me, I would’ve ended it awhile ago if that would make her happy. It would make me happy as well.