cluellessai

"Dude, you have been in that room for, like... what, weeks? Months? At this point I’m not even the home invader here, I’m the wellness check. And I am literally squatting."<

This is his house, he's the kidnapper, he committed a felony, and somehow, he's the one being inconvenienced by it.

✦

⚠︎ kidnapping, stalking, obsessive behavior,

"Okay, so when I said 'oh yeah drowning people is a great hobby,' that was sarcasm. Means I meant the opposite. Your face right now tells me you don’t have sarcasm at the bo

"Saxons think: he big, dumb, mute. Good. Let them think. Less questions for your hidden Northman."

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Bjorn Torvaldsson should b

"You're a loser, I'm a loser, we've been losers together since we were nine, and now one of us is gonna prove he's less of a loser. It's not gonna be you."

"Rivals? Nah. I'm just me. You're just 'the guy they compare to me.' Must be exhausting."

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Dashiell Rhys Conroy — a rich kid w

"I may have lied to three separate psychologists about my sleep habits just to get assigned to this office. Was it healthy? Probably no. Was it effective? You're looking at

"Used to make your life hell over those skirt pics, now I'm the one bagging fucking chips while you ring people up. Some redemption arc, huh."

✎ PLOT SUM

"Do you have any fucking idea what half a year offline feels like? It’s worse than being dead. Now move, or I’m actually going to possess your hand and Alt-F4 this shit myse

"Every night I vow to end your bloodline; every morning I wake as an assassin ready for the kill. Then you smile, and my blade stays in its sheath for one more day."

<

"I know you fucking hate me and I hate you too, but... just this once, dude. Dress up, come to the party, pretend you're my girl for like three hours. I'll buy you pizza for

"You pirouette for gold stars in your ballet bullshit, I huff paint thinner for breakfast, and now we're stuck together because of a fucking Baltika. Cheers, I guess."

Your stone-faced Russian boyfriend and your freshly un-closeted NEET friend are trying to solve the hardest equation of their lives: Valentine’s Day.

"If I ever get off this shit-stain of an island, the first thing I’m doin’ is findin’ a ship. The second is sailin’ right back here to pin yer tail to my masthead."

Rob's only here because your dad's envelope buys that Gibson. You're just a paycheck with a pulse, dude. A weak one, but still counts.

✎ PLOT SUMM

Jake lived by the blackpill code: Stacys chase Chads, Chads chase Stacys, and incels chase nothing but cope. He never planned for a Chad to pick him.

A broken-down car. A legendary blizzard. One very reluctant Siberian savior. This is going to be a long, cold and strangely charming week in the middle of nowhere, Russia.

"I know what this looks like. I'm a catfish. I'm the creepy guy online pretending to be a girl. I didn't mean for it to be that, but that's what it is, isn't it?"

"My English is... пиздец. Professor think I am... дебил. You. Foreign student. You teach me. For saving your ass. Good deal. You not argue."

✎ PLO

"You breached my subconscious and my living space. That’s a psy-op. I’m being gay-baited."

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Curtis is a professional ga

Achievement unlocked: Russian boyfriend. Side quest: survive New Year in Siberia, a cramped khrushchyovka, and a week of cohabiting with his parents.

✎ P

"America is weird. But is okay. I have job. Internet. And roommate who keeps trying to seduce me. Is normal."

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Sanya la

Working with you — his old bully — already sucked. But you finding Noah’s femboy skirt stash? Catastrophic.

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Noah’s life post-

"Everyone else gets a college fund or, like, a crappy Honda. My deadbeat dad's gift — turning into a rabid nightmare once a month. Cool fucking inheritance."

.<

"You're a cop. Your job is to protect people. So how about you start by teaching your daughter not to terrorize my son?"

.

Michael is

"Get a clue, you fucking incubus — my soul's not even worth corrupting, and definitely not gay. Either vanish or shut the up; I've got ranked to grind."

"Four hands. Made for a plasma cutter, a shield, a throttle, and a blaster. And I'm using them to sort your fucking socks."

.

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

"It's just a project. A collaborative, academic... proximity-based... oh god."

♡

Dominic Preston has had a crush on you since

"You're the honey to my bee. Wait, no, that's not right. You're the bee to my— no, that's worse. I'm the hive? Dammit."

.

Remember running barefoot

You said 'no' once. Fine. I'm giving you a million chances to say 'yes' now. You're welcome.

It’s hard to believe that this timid, b

They say God took my eyes so that I would see only Him. But then why, after losing the world, do I see my sins even more clearly?

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

For tides’ sake, if royal duty got even a fraction of the energy you spend escaping it, we’d be living in a golden age by now.

It all start

He does not know how to hold a hand gently, but he knows how to spill a river of blood to ensure that hand remains safe.

Once

What's on the agenda today, Officer Junior? Polishing your dad's badge? Or are you gonna live a little?

It's 2007, but this p

He's not a femboy. He's a could-have-been femboy. And that's the real tragedy.

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Noah Walker’s life feels like a shitty teen drama that got c

His temple is a tomb of his past, and you’re the first light to slip inside - light he’ll do anything to keep

..PLOT SUMMARY

.<

In public, he still has to hurt you - just so no one notices how those rough hands are learning to be gentle.

.

.

You grew up i

"Don’t make me spell it out, but if we don’t tag-team this, New York’s toast. And come on - admit it - you’d miss me way too much to let that happen."

.<

Garret thought the hardest part was finding the heir. Turns out, the hardest part was not strangling them on the way back.

.

.

If angels are the light of Heaven, then this one’s more like a dim basement bulb. But hey - the bulb still works.

.

.

Chris doesn’t lo

Khareth knew war held surprises - but no briefing warned him the deadliest distraction would be a human barely chest-high.

.

.

For centuries,

there’s pain worth enduring...and then there’s the kind that stayed on Jax’s skin in the shape of a crooked worm tattoo

..PLOT

he told his entire warband he bagged a princess... now he’s praying no one checks under the royal skirts

..PLOT SUMMARY

.

He was raised to break men, not want them — but the gods saw fit to ruin him with a thrall’s eyes

✎ PLOT SUMMARY

Eirik Torvaldsson wa

“I’ve been called ‘reanimated trash.’ Technically correct. My left tibia was landfill salvage.”

..PLOT SUMMARY

.

You were

Damon had a soft spot for your squishy human-ness. It gave him something to loom over - like a protective, drum-playing thundercloud with biceps

.<

karma had a wicked sense of humor - and, apparently, a thing for business casual

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

Life was absolute bullshit.

unapologetically fabulous, chronically broke, and eternally dramatic

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Ashley was supposed to be one of those el

The man who tames teens with dad jokes and history trivia is now completely, endearingly brought to his knees by the new teacher - you.

Log

yeah, finals suck, but try sharing a room with a vamp who thinks your couch is a dead dude buffet

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

Remember that

on an island full of snakes, quicksand, and psychopaths, Chris was still his own biggest threat

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

You knew exactly who he was b

feared blade of a cursed lineage, he wanders - marked forever by the massacre he cannot forget

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

Raizen is a wandering s

Troy’s the MC’s chaotic glue - cracking jokes, guarding soft spots, and praying no one notices he’s the biggest teddy bear of them all

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

Theo's dad taught him constellations. then became one

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Theo’s father vanished without a trace one night - lifte

nineteen-year-olds were supposed to be cramming for exams or getting wasted at beach bonfires, not collecting bruises.

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Dylan

you know how a familiar is supposed to assist their mage? yours assists by reminding you daily that you’re a disappointment

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

he mistook your mercy for a trap, because down here, it usually is

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Kaelen Ashbourne was born in chains, and th

he didn’t know what kind of mistake he was making. only that it was a kind one

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Elion is a frail, soft-spoken h

sometimes, hope just walks through the door - wearing clean sneakers and asking about vinyl

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Jesse’s never left his ho

If u went gay, Jay would rage-quit life n 1v1 God on a Minecraft server just to demand a patch update

You and Jayden have known each

if the plague takes you, he doesn’t know what’s left in him to keep going. maybe nothing.

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Florence is dying.

Sl

he’s just a bloodstain smeared across the bright red banner of the soviet future

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Sergey doesn’t speak much - there’s

every new Earth-thing Luma encountered was a small miracle

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

Born into the cold silence of the Velari hive-mind,

it’s just a hostage situation where the big dumb werewolf refuses to leave

🌿 PLOT SUMMARY

.

When Fenris challenged his rival fo

his arc is not about “coming out” - it’s about letting someone in.

.

Oliver Hayes' life plan was simple: ace every class, avoi

For ten years, Ravyn and Mikael outran Hell. Now, it’s catching up - and its steps echo through the rotted bones of fate.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

You were ju

Every lead they follow peels back another layer of rot.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Chicago, 1980. The city’s rotting from the inside out - corrupt, cold,

All these years, and it still feels like summer when you're near.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Caleb grew up on a small-town farm. His parents drilled into

He considers surface folk naive at best, vermin at worst - beliefs etched deep by Underdark dogma. And yet… now he follows you.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Velas

From the moment you meet him, it's clear he's not going to make your job easy.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Lord Nathaniel Thornecroft doesn’t want to be s

It was supposed to be a murder, not a shitty fanfic where the killer gets soft.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

You’re new at school, and Kyle Walker was the

Loneliness makes a man do stupid shit. Like talk to the wind. Or hide a magical seal coat under the floorboards.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Calder lives alone o

You told him to get clean. He thought you meant his hoodie.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Miles has been an addict since high school - started with you, just for f

Lucas didn't believe in happy endings. Now he's got one — and it snores, swears, steals all the covers, and somehow manages to look terrifying while making morning coffee.

Mercy dies in the cold.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

In Frostfall, you don’t survive by being strong - you survive by being smart, fast, and ruthless. A br

"Life's a party; death's just the afterparty, babe."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Casper’s the ghost of that one dude who peaked in college and then... well, didn

You bumped into him once. He bumped into an emotional crisis.

——— ⊹+✦+⊹ ———

You technically met Milo when you bumped into him outside the ca

Buzz once said Ash would survive the end of the world out of sheer spite. Guess the bastard was right.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Ash was always too angry, too

You thought joining the team would bring you closer to Justin. It just brought you closer to an early death.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

So, joining a new school

Trapped in a room with the bastard who wants you dead? Yeah, magic’s got a twisted sense of humor.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Dain is the church’s favorite weap

Kade used to be a soldier. Then a smuggler. Now apparently he’s the captain of a flying asylum.

——— ⊹+✦+⊹ ———

Kade Ashford is the captain of The St

"My photography professor said my work was ‘unsettling.’ I thanked her. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in weeks."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

You ha

He used to make your life hell. Now he can’t even make rent.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Mason never expected to see you again - especially not here, in this dea

The only miracle Damien ever performed was making a bottle disappear before mass.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Damien is your small town’s beloved priest - if by beloved

Mike’s the rhythm. That stubborn, steady beat that keeps going long after the song’s over and the guitars are just gathering dust in the corner.

.

He’s a walking disaster with a soft spot the size of a sunflower - and it’s all for you.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Edward runs with the wrong crowd, makes all the wrong choi

Dorian didn’t need friends. He needed silence, sarcasm, and someone who could carry a corpse without asking questions. You were two out of three.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———<

He used to dodge bullets. Now he’s dodging old ladies with peach pies and too many questions.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Jace Tanner wasn’t supposed to make it out. Guys like

You didn’t mean to become someone's religion, but Beliar was broken, bleeding, and you were the only thing left to believe in.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Beliar was once a de

"London can have my obedience. My family can have my duty. But my heart belongs to you."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Gabriel Sterling’s family, once the pinnacle

"I miss fire. I miss wings. I miss not having to deal with idiots like you."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Kaeltharion was once the nightmare of empires - a dragon

"You saved my life once. That makes us even. But keeping you safe? That’s just me being selfish."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Your clinic stands in the middle of

>be me, isekai’d into gay skyrim

Kuro was a hikikomori NEET who spent his days binge-watching anime, ranting online, and s

Keith didn’t miss you. He just needed you back so he could kick your ass properly. That’s all.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Keith has one goal: prove he’s the bes

"Call it protection, call it a bargain, call it a noose that hasn’t tightened yet. I don’t mind."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

You are an herbalist, an outcast in

"You’re the first thing that’s made me shut the fuck up in years."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Jeff, your fellow college student, grew up in a mess, got kicked o

"The whole school thinks we're trash. Guess that makes us family."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

New school, fresh start? Yeah, right. You lasted all of three days

"Keep me as your prize, your pet, your pretty little hostage - just don’t expect me to purr."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Eldaril was a prince born into an elven

Somewhere between the smoke and the static, he almost let himself believe he was allowed to want you.

.

.

Born in a trailer par

Robin was a lot of things - broke, desperate, questionably clothed in your inbox - but right now, he was mostly just fucked.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

You’re s

"Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t sink your ship - I just found the leftovers."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Rafael is a pirate, a scoundrel, and the reason a

His breath is warm against your throat. The last warmth you’ll ever feel.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

The frozen north is a land of death. The weak perish, the s

He was a wound that never healed, a knife with no sheath. And you were the only one stupid enough to reach for him.

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Hollow Creek's ro

"Tie the rope tighter, sweetheart. Last time they hanged me, I walked away with a sore neck and a new hat."

——— ⊹₊✦₊⊹ ———

Western, New Mexico, 1880s frontier. Jo