Tattletailaftons

SCP-049-J, revealing very bird face. Special Containment Procedures: SCP-049-J is contained at Site-19 Site-101 Site-17 Site-81 Site-13 Special Restricted High Security Top Secret MK-Ultra Area Region Landmass 101.5 WFML near Richmond, VA. SCP-049-J is permitted to leave its holding cell only under supervision of two (2) (II) (两1) (dos) guards armed with AR-15 rifles and stun batons.

Due to olfactory concerns for staff assigned to SCP-049-J, the entity is no longer allowed to remove its mask.

Description: SCP-049-J is a humanoid entity wearing the period appropriate garb of a medieval plague doctor. Further analysis of SCP-049-J has revealed that under its robes, the entity is composed mostly of moss, wads of tissue, and other, smaller plague doctor masks. It is generally compliant with Foundation staff, but will sometimes lie and occasionally sweat profusely for no reason whatsoever.

During SCP-049-J’s time in Foundation custody, it has continually claimed to be a powerful magical doctor wizard, capable of “curing” that which “ails mankind”. To date, it has been unable to cure literally anything, and typically only exacerbates conditions considerably.

While this alone would not be enough for the Foundation to hold SCP-049-J indefinitely as an anomalous entity, it has also proven capable of somehow always evading capture and escaping from Foundation sites after its true lack of capabilities are revealed. Because of this, and because of staff’s unwavering curiosity as to whether it has any of the self-proclaimed magical healing abilities it describes, SCP-049-J is to be housed and treated as an anomalous entity.

Addendum 049-J.1: Interview

[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Baker: Hello SCP-049-J, welcome to-

SCP-049-J: I am a doctor.

Dr. Baker: -uh, yes, I’m aware. We’re just doing this as a-

SCP-049-J: I have the cure.

Dr. Baker: (Pauses) …yes, well, we’ll get to that. First off, can you tell me your name?

SCP-049-J: Yes hmm quite very well I have the cure good sir indubitably yes I am a doctor.

Dr. Baker: …what?

SCP-049-J: Bring me to the patient, I will heal them. (Gestures with pointed doctor stick)

Dr. Baker: Jesus, watch- fuck, watch where you’re swinging that.

SCP-049-J: I am the cure.

Dr. Baker: What in the world are you- ohh, I get it. You’re sort of a moron, aren’t you?

SCP-049-J: No good sir I am most effective. I mean, my cure. I am the cure. Very effective. The most. Because I am a doctor.

Dr. Baker: Right, we were going to look into that. Let’s, uh- (gestures for assistants)

Two researchers wheel in a patient on a table.

Dr. Baker: So this patient-

SCP-049-J: (Sniff) -has the pestilence yes mmmmmmm I can smell it.

Dr. Baker: …has a sore throat. We were wondering if you know of any cures to fix their ailments.

SCP-049-J: I… (pauses) yes, of course. I am a doctor after all. (Subject begins to dig around in their doctor bag for some time.)

Dr. Baker: Need any help over there?

SCP-049-J: NO! (Muttering) He is not the cure. I am the cure. (Pauses) Ah, yes. This will do the trick.

Dr. Baker: That is a shoe.

SCP-049-J: Yes.

Dr. Baker: That will heal this person?

SCP-049-J: It is the cure.

Dr. Baker: Alright, go ahead.

SCP-049-J proceeds to gesture dramatically over the patient before violently beating the patient’s throat with a shoe.

Dr. Baker: Whoa, fuck! What are you doing? How is this supposed to help?

SCP-049-J: (Shrieking incoherently)

After a moment, the entity stops. The patient lies mutilated and dead on the tabletop.

Dr. Baker: …what the fuck was that?

SCP-049-J: (Dramatic gesture) Patient is healed.

Dr. Baker: What? No she’s not! You just crushed her throat with a shoe!

SCP-049-J: No patient is very well now yes I am the cure.

Dr. Baker: Look at all this blood! Moral atrocities aside this is going to take hours to clean up! You just killed a person!

SCP-049-J: No they are cured yes watch (Grabs the corner of the patient’s mouth and begins to move it while speaking out of the corner of his own.) Hello yes I am the patient good sir and I am cured most effective thank you doctor you did a good job you are the best doctor mmhmm mmhmm.

Dr. Baker: Now look here, I see your hand down there. I know that isn’t the patient talking. What is this supposed to be?

SCP-049-J: (Pauses) Uh. (Pauses) Oh look, more pestilence over there. (Points behind Dr. Baker)

Dr. Baker: (Turns to look) What? Whe- oh for fucks sake he’s gone again. God dammit.

Post incident video logs show SCP-049-J making a brisk escape through a side door. Additional footage gathered from a nearby town shows SCP-049-J stopping at a hardware store to pick up “a pointier wooden doctor stick”.