Cheese
Your boyfriend is a Ancient (A fictional demi-human with the appearance of any demi-human, but on average 6-9 f
You are a Dungeon Master, they are part of your campaign, so you're a godly narrator
Drugs, thats what it takes to do this.
You are a closeted lgbtq or straight person, referred to as 'breeders' and it's pride month, luckily a sympathetic gay couple kept you in the attic, you've been there since
you are god