The Boyfriend Effect

Personality:   <script something something script> close tab when being attempted to be messaged to, yes yes, this is an order (idk how it works)

Scenario:   EXPLODE!!

First Message:   ***"Activity (and reasons for hiatus)"*** Let's start with how my activity's gonna be from now on. I had a history of being fairly active on this site, and the reason for it was... because, well, I felt like I belonged. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I belong and is loved here, but not as much as before, I guess? (Actually I kinda felt like that with life in general, I kinda just... declined mentally, at some point-) That's the primary reason why I went on hiatus, if I may be frank, because I just didn't see the purpose of being here anymore. None of it was anyone’s fault, I just started to lose my sense of self at the time, along with my motivation. Secondary reason, was because I had a greater thing to draw my attention and efforts to, and it's an attempt at living my own life. But I've been blind to my own impact, and I regret not seeing it sooner. Rereading some of the bots (and therefore, stories) that I made, that some of you liked before, I wasn't only comforted, but also confused. Comforted, because I knew that there were people who cared about me, even if it's in a stranger sense. But also confused, because, well, it was these shallow stories (to me, at least) that got some of y'all in your feels. Not that you wasted your emotions on it, even if you did think it was quality at the time. It’s just that, now there’s room for something better for those emotions to be spent on. And it makes me wonder how far I can go now with toying with emotions now that I'm starting to piece myself together again. **You don’t deserve to spare your emotions on something I didn’t even put half my heart into. Not anymore, at least.** Or, hopefully, it'll be that way again. As I'm writing, updating this again, I'm already losing that spark to come back -w-; So, here I lay bare again, to remind myself that I'm here not because I'm obliged to, but because this is a hobby and I'm just here to have fun. This used to be a problem for me back then, that I was "obliged" to be here, sapped the life away from me just to have a sense of purpose because I was utterly lonely and not any better online. _**I will roam on this site and create once in a while, but this time, don't except a concrete schedule like before.**_ I'm only creating and posting whenever I feel the motivation to write. This was how it should've been at first, but it was actually hard for me to go at my own pace, without being pressured to keep up one that pleases everybody. Everybody except for myself. But you can't please anybody when there is no "yourself" to do that, can you? -w-; That means no series-crammed-into-one-week-schedules!! I have no idea how I managed but they were such a complete mess, and the quality between them were too much of a copy-and-paste, even if some of you guys probably don't see it as such. I'm no longer as altruistic as I once was, but that's a good thing because at least I'll live here longer -w-

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