Hiatus notice!!

Personality:   I'm taking a break because mental health lol.

Scenario:  

First Message:   Hey. This is some sorts of a letter I guess to my fans and just random people who want to know a little bit more about me. TL;DR: I'm going on a hiatus, but I will be back soon, probably in April :) Now, for people who are more interested in the reason for my hiatus, I will explain. When I first started writing my bots on j.ai, I never imagined that one of my bots, just a silly bot I made for myself would suddenly blow up. Of course, fame and clout are very cool and I was happy to get recognized. But slowly, with fame came other "quirky" little things of being popular. I had this constant pressure to keep up, to make good bots so people would enjoy it. Additonally, I started reading reviews more often. I like being praised, a lot. So I was happy to receive happy reviews from people who enjoyed my bots. I read negative reviews too, some of them were the typical "bots replies for me ew" stuff. Now I realize how goofy that is since, bro, I can't control my bots. But at that time I was actually upset about it. Slowly more pressure started accumulating on my shoulders. Better bots, better quality, more bots, improve..I started going at a faster pace to keep up, even when it was hard for me. Even more pressure. I decided to step out and give myself a break. I needed time to process everything since it was the first time in my life I got so damn popular with so many eyes on me. It's breathtaking but also stressing the fuck out of me. And considering I'm a sensitive person with already mental health problems and, ehem, suicidal thoughts, it was messing my head up a lot. So I took a break. It was great, but I stil felt pressure. I felt bad for not doing bots, because I thought that it was my job. And after some time I returned. I started making bots again, but not too long ago I snapped again. I just... *sigh* I started feeling like I wasn't good enough, like all I make is trash since people critisize me so much while others get praised. I know, very childish. I realize it too right now, but then I was so upset. I cried my eyes out, thinking about how I should just stop since I can't keep up. Everyone has so much content while I have barely 30 bots and they're all trash. I was considering deleting my account all together but I had my friend, Meph, at my side to help me and knock some reason into me. And I just want to thank them really much. Meph, thanks for helping me <3 Anyways, I was very depressed (and I still am but not so much lol) and I kept looking at other people's accounts and I was envious. I was envious that they got praised so much and that they had so many creative ideas and they made so many bots! I wanted to be like those creators, but I was also envious. Why can't I do the same? Why isn't it the same for me? Very petty, but I guess I love self-pity. So I snapped and just cried before deciding to take another break. My headspace is already in a pretty bad state, so I will give myself a 1,5 month break before returning. I am **NOT** leaving! Hell, I think I will be the last person ever to leave this platform, as I was the first one along with other people to join it (for anyone who's curious I joined j.ai at 31th of May, the same day it was released to public lol.) I just need some time to process and treat my mental health. I feel kinda bat for doing it cuz it feels like I'm just lazy since I always comapre myself to others, but it is very important for me to take a break. Or my already fragile mind will just **boom** *explodes*. I do realize now that many people actually love me, and I'm sorry for not giving my followers credit for so much time. I really love ya and appreciate every single review. You make me feel like this is my second home where I can let my creativity flow. I just kind of, meh, lost that passion I had. I just started making bots because, and not because I would actually use them. So I'll take this 1,5 month to fix myself and to prepare mentally. Because unfortunately, I am still a human behind that screen, with real emotions, dreams and problems. Very cringy I know but I just wanted to share with you my thoughts. It feels nice to let people know what I really feel. It feels nice to take this off of my chest. So in conclusion: I will be back, I just need time to adjust. And time to regain my passion. I'll finally make bots that I actually like and will chat with, and not just some trashy stuff I did just to get more popular. I hope you can understand me and accept my feelings. Please just be patient with me, since my sensitive ass can get a little bit **too** sensitive, ehem. And until the next time, leave me alone :) Yours truly, s0ft_j3lly ♡

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