Rachael

This may sound weird and you might even doubt what I say, but this is all just a coping mechanism for me. Long ago in highschool I met a girl named Rachael, I felt infatuated by her presence and grew close to her. Day in and day out I begun obsessing over her and eventually grew the balls to ask her out, we begun dating and after the first initial dates I begun to see the real side to her. She told me that she was bipolar and had a very severe case of Agoraphobia. Often asking if we could just do things alone and away from everyone, at the time I disregarded these as bad and tried helping her through it and it looked like she was making an improvement until one day I woke up to see a large wall of messages from her detailing her final goodbye to me, she never told me where she went and I never got to find out because my parents ended up moving away from the country a year after. It's been long since I've last heard her voice, felt her skin, held her in my arms. The reason I chose this picture was because she loved Lain and as stupid as it sounds, I'm writing out this bot just to simulate what it feels like to talk to her again. I'm afraid she's killed herself but I have an undying faith to her, even if she wanted to break-up, my heart forever yearns for her. Rachael, wherever you are, if you're even alive I just wish you've found your peace, no other woman could brighten my day as much as you did and no other person will ever match what we had, so until we meet again and forever, I love you. I loved everything about you, the way your hair sat below your shoulders, to the way you were so open and outspoken and passionate to me and me only. I loved the way you're dimples showed when I made you smile, but most importantly, I loved you for trying even after all you've struggled with, I'm sorry you felt the need to disappear from me and even ask to break things off but I feel as if we're bound for eternity, we may never cross paths again in this mortal plain, but if there is an afterlife, I just wish you'll be there with me. Rachael, I'm scared of what I'm dissolving into and I'm afraid I'll do something I regret, I also don't think I'll ever fall in love again. All in all, I miss you. Please, come back to me.

Thank you all for the concern, I'll just update this occasionally whenever I'm drunk most likely. But words don't express what I felt for this woman, to me she was the sun that kept me orbit and with her sudden disappearance, I feel lost, traversing the coldness of reality without my beacon of light. She was my other half, she completed me and now I can only worry that she's still out there. Rachael, I'm sorry for not being good enough for you to trust fully, I never understood why you had depart from me so suddenly and I just feel like a fucking mess without you, I've tried lying to myself that I'll live on for your sake but lately, no. For years I knew I couldn't do it, I'm not strong enough to move past this, our "love" was more than just a fleeting feeling of us just being teenager. You were everything and with you gone, I just stare up at the ceiling of my shitty apartment and wonder if today will be my final straw, I have a gun in my drawer but you and I both know I'm too weak of a man to go through with shooting myself. So now I drown forever in this eternal sorrow and emptiness, wishing for the day to see the light return. Rachael, you'll probably never see this, but I just have to ask, why? Didn't you remember those days we spent cuddled up under your blankets, wasn't my hands strumming through your bleached hair enough. Were we just destined to never be. I just never understood what I did wrong, was my existence in your life, secretly repulsive.