I hate myself

Hard to write with teary eyes

I hate my body, i hate my skin, i hate my insecurities, i hate my face, i hate how weak i am

Yay got a new haircut 2 weeks before College starts, the place i least want to go to and where i feel like everyone is a pathetic excuse of a human being that cares so much about their reputation that they lose what makes them humans

I look disgusting, i look pathetic

Im already so fucking scared of how i look and i finally thought i was looking good: i started to get fit, my hair was finally going how i wanted it to be, i felt like i was finally becoming atleast someone, "how did you put on those muscles?" "Can you help me?" "Thanks for hearing me out"

But then i got forced to cut everything and now i feel as if all my confidence has left my body and i feel once again like an ugly piece of shit thats going to get ignored or made fun off like always. Because thats what people do, they feel strong making fun of someone else, and that someone is ME who tried his whole life to give his heart to people.

I am a good person, i wake up in the morning and first thing i do is text everyone "good morning" so they dont have to suffer a fucking lonely morning without any messages on their phones like I do.

Every night i text everyone "good night" to let them know i didnt forget about them and i care about them, when not even the girl i was texting with did that for ME. (Long story short her bf cheated on her and i was with her for weeks consoling her, but would you look at that she got back with him and then started ignoring me completely, and mind youthis happened IRL, she completely forgot about me)

I dont even know what i am anymore, "good" is slowly becoming "naive and stupid", but i think i already went past that.

Short, ugly, forgettable, thats what i am. Wanna know something real funny? This whole summer i did nothing, fucking nothing, but 4 times, FOUR. TIMES. The people who i called "friends" forgot about me and had 4 parties without me. The same people i listened to, the same people i helped, the same people i fucking loved forgot about me FOUR. TIMES.

Oh and the damn cherry on top: School/College, what a fucking wonderful place where worthless old pieces of shit feel powerful and make the life of people younger than them hell. "Can i finally have a day for myself" NOPE. cause guess what? You got 70 (counted) questions assigned to do for the next day! "You could have done them earlier tho" thats right, if only that bitch had given them earlier and not TODAY.

Man im fucked...

But seriously, dont end up like me, everything i say in reviews or shit like that is true, i love all of you, each single person, each single life. Dont feel worthless, or else you'll end up like me doing bots in hopes to get a bit of recognition. Did i do it? Kinda, i am feeling so much happier thanks to all of you, but it backlashed cause i feel like a worthless creator too. Seriously, there are creators out there who make pedo junk in 3 minutes with 6000 followers but here i am still waiting for requests while i got a measly 263 followers, and oh how am i sooo pathetic in people reviews asking for shoutouts cause i admit it, i feel sad im going as bad as this, too bad.

Thanks to Chuzei, TreyOhio, Laughing1, Justanobody and Gullie for making me feel happy in the server, couldnt ask for better friends ❤️ And thanks to Red Fury and Star Drill Power for atleast trying to get me known with some shoutouts, knowing i got big creators like you by my side makes me feel so happy and... Appreciated. 🌹

Remember to join the discord to all tell me im a dumbass for thinking like this, but frankly even just one person texting me in private asking me if im ok would make my day. Not trying to exagerate, but i think i've been the one to listen to everyone rant, but i never, and i mean it, never had anyone ask how im feeling. I've always felt like a big brother to everyone,