Break? + More

I promise I'll make an actual chat bot later...But I am slowly running out of ideas, and if you haven't noticed, I've tried to post one each day..
To the point I've resorted to my AU's for ideas....Not goods.

But I said I'll try to share my issues, (but not all, because things like childhood trauma haunts me even today, but thats something I wont share-)

[#1] I might take another break from J.ai.

I know I just came back like at the end of last month, after like 2 months of being missing, but one, I need the break because then I'll have ideas when I return. And just...Getting onto J.ai everyday before and after work, its starting to just...not feel the same, I'm not even chatting with any bots, I leave reviews yes, doesn't mean I chatted, its a way for me to save for later...But I'm only making bots, and the ones I make, I'm not even putting any time into-

I used to put around an hour into each starter message alone, now its taking me 5 minutes, I've learned that something about my bots people like is how I write the bots, unique and in my style I guess? Because I do have a strange writing style XD.

My chats have dropped, and I do belive this is why, Im not putting my heart and soul into the messages anymore, they...they are just a thing I feel like I have to do-

[#2] My Health.

I feel like absolute shit for putting my health being out there already, do I regret trying to commit suicide, only slightly sorry, the main thing I regret is the fact I made a bot saying to everyone I was dead, only to find out about 5 hours later, I'm alive.

It seems like a bunch of fake bullshit.

Im still healing from what I did...

And I think I have hives on top of it.

My mental health is always down low, if you knew me before Janitor, you would know...

But with my mindset of "You have to make a bot today, or people will unfollow you or etc" I feel like I MUST log on, MUST make a bot....

[#3]

I can't think of a title for this section, but I'm either pushing people away or clinging to them-

I pushed Solver away last night, only to cling to them later.

I was pushy with Shade an hour ago, It was a problem between me and it, not something the public must know. (Shade uses they/it prns)

I...I wake only, only to run through my mind everything I (Or even just another alter) said, and if something bad happens, I cant actually be happy that day.

I'm supposed to be writing something with someone..(Snowfall Survivor)..but I..I use all my writing energy to make bots, we've only written 9 pages in 3 days....

Thats all I have to rant.
This is a possible goodbye
But not suicide this time.
I might not take the break I am planning.
Just bear with me if I don't seem...like myself...I..I've..remembered a lot of things..my mind blocked out for a reason....

This is a possible goodbye, please remember that
But not suicide....
I hopefully wont do that again...

[Edit] I tried to chat with an Uzi bot, so I searched 'Uzi Doorman' and clicked on latest, EVERY ROW MOTHERFUCKER! ONE OF MY BOTS IS ON EVERY ROW! BRUH ILL TAKE THAT AS A WIN IN A WAY