01 - mortality

it only now occurs to me that the time i have left is slipping away like sand through my fingers
i am filled with an anxiety, yet i know that i can easily make it go away by simply refusing to kill myself
but that won't happen

to those of you sympathizing for me, or even attempting to get me to stop, i appreciate that you seem to care about me, but you fail to understand that i deserve this
for years i have been a bad person, i keep fucking up, yet people keep giving me chances
i don't WANT anymore chances

i feel as if i am beginning to become self aware
that most of this is happening just because i didn't swallow a few capsules one morning
but i cannot stop it