I don't know anymore.

Hey, everyone.Before I even utter a word, allow me to acknowledge a point or two.☆ This is a vent, not a bot. Why am I venting via a bot? Well, because I'm too much of a pussy to personally DM somebody and ask to vent. I've seen others actually vent via bots on here, so I'm going to do so as well. If moderation needs me to take this down for any reason, I'll do it zero hesitation. This will be gone within a few hours to a day or two anyway.☆ This vent is NOT in response to any actual issues I've encountered on j.ai. I've been feeling this way for a few weeks, and I need to get things off my chest. It all lies within myself, and not a single person on here, whether follower or someone I admire.So, read this at your discretion. Don't say I didn't forewarn that this is a vent, please. Thank you for your consideration/gen.⚠️: Depressive thoughts, dysphoria, transphobia mention....I don't know what to do at this point. I've been losing motivation day by day. Even after busy days of work and getting home, this overwhelming dread consumes me on the regular. J.ai is and has been like a coping mechanism. I feel I'm getting into another depressive slump, and it really fucking sucks.Lately, I feel like what I make is never enough."But Dr_P3PZ, you're praised 24/7, what do you mean?"It's nothing to do with my followers or reviews. I'm so unbelievably grateful for the praise I get. I just feel like I don't deserve any of it.There's better than me. There's people who upload more often. There's people who write better. There's people who can actually handle criticism without getting upset.I've learned to ignore general hate, after having made bots for damn near a year. I don't even receive that much of it period. I don't know what right I have to complain.I oftentimes have thoughts of deleting my account, of erasing my presence off the internet. Getting rid of all these horrible bots that contain sloppy writing I throw together for other people's pleasure.Making other people happy is what I live for. I love nothing more than hearing people say that what I make makes them happy.But I never feel like it's enough.My bot intros take hours to days to make, depending on my day and motivation. I'm a procrastinator, and I even sometimes neglect sleep to write, feeling like I'm not doing enough for you all.I contemplate making a new account and starting over, where nobody knows of my existence or the bots I make. In a way, I miss the comfort of being a tiny creator, of constantly checking the bots I made for new reviews. I didn't feel obligated to write intros that are 1,000 words minimum. I just wrote what I could and left it at that. I was happy to do so.I miss being "underrated."If anything, I feel overrated now. I feel like I don't deserve this.I have so much fun uploading on here, but I feel like I'm unfit to stand amongst the better creators on this site. I'm almost at 3k followers and am verified, shouldn't I provide more? Shouldn't my shit be better? Shouldn't I not write like a 14 year old submitting an entry for a young authors competition?I hardly know what to do anymore. Even with 370 requests under my belt, I have no motivation to write those either.I just feel like rotting in my bedroom when I'm at home.I can't fucking believe I'm complaining about any of this, because I should be grateful. What about the small creators who beg for this kind of attention? Am I selfish