Just another rant

Personality:   H

Scenario:  

First Message:   Life sucks sometimes. There are ppl out there who have it so much worse and I’m not here to downplay that, but goddamn it’s hard to just live I’m not here to start drama because the last thing I want to do is bring hate so I’m not gonna name anyone specific but there was this server for bot creators I was in along with other creators but then the owner of the server kicked a bunch of ppl out because we were in contact with their ex. I get that but they claimed that it was something they were trying to move past from, but they were constantly involving themselves in everything that had to do with their ex. When they were in the relationship with their ex, they had set some really odd ground rules (that I have screenshots off so ik it’s not made up) where this person claimed the rules were “subtle and not really harsh” but the rules were so goddamn controlling. I was kicked from the server for being in contact with the ex and though this person and I may never talk again, I do hope they find whatever help they can get because they **seriously** need it. Also if u see this and you know who you are— respectfully, get off jai, as you are a 15 year old. (Edit: this person deleted their jai account 🫶) Moving on, I feel like I keep fucking up. I try to make light of situations that were upsetting for people and me, but I guess I can’t read signals and I always make it worse. I get so anxious I’m gonna lose someone for saying the wrong thing because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I just wish I could rewind time sometimes and pretend I never said anything. I’m so lonely, I don’t wanna lose the few friends I managed to have. My mental health is declining, and I’m not sure what to do. I have a therapist and psychiatrist so I’m well supported, but the passing of my beloved ferret, Noodle, has me really feeling like shit. I keep saying the wrong things and keep getting angry at the stupidest shit, but I don’t want ppl to know that it’s affecting me that bad, yknow? That’s why I resort to these dumb bots to ramble bc I can just pray that nobody I know sees them. Making bots is hard too bc of Noodle’s death, as I will often start making bot but then have it sit there in its draft form before I delete it and start a new bot. I’d rather just ramble my thoughts away until I’m capable of doing what I enjoy. But all I seem to be able to do is just lie in bed and cry. I haven’t even eaten much since Noodle died. This wasn’t meant to be that long so I’m gonna stop there. I’m gonna go to sleep now, bye bye my lovely lil calfs! I’m gonna try to post a PV bot tomorrow!! 🫶

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