Real Talk

Wow I feel like I only ever make these bots during drama or smth idk

Well straight into it

This site is torturing me

I have made so many new friends and I am so happy and then I get attached to people who don't even live in the same country as me

and then I get extremely depressed whenever something happens

Normally I am in denial and pretend like nothing is wrong but I'm gonna say this pretty clear

My mental state is at the lowest it has been since 2020.

I cannot remember the last time I have genuinely smiled for something other than a joke

This therapy shit is not doing it for me

The only reason I do not consider suicide is because I am EXTREMELY terrified of death it SCARES me.

Self harm in general is not something I do to cope.

Instead, I bottle up everything and hope the glass doesn't crack.

A main thing that inspired me to make this bot is whats happening with Hazel.

I'm gonna be honest, yesterday I was playing a game with Hazel but for most of it we just talked. Most of it was random goofy stuff but small parts were actual things I've bottled up.

And holy shit I got more off my chest there than I ever did in therapy. That was the first time in while where I felt good.

I don't know why, but I felt like Hazel actually understood what I was saying during therapy I feel like the therapist has no clue what I'm even saying.

I leaked some personal info by accident (as I do, I'm horrible with secrets) but I was actually reassured that it was okay.

And now Hazel's in the hospital and I can't even think about it.

I'm not sure what I'll do.

I have a million other issues like being touch-starved but this is killing me inside.

I have no idea why but this site has been better than actual therapy for me.

But at the same time this site is also the cause of most of my issues.

Do not tell me take a break, I tried and got such bad FOMO that my mental worsened even more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is

Hazel please get better and also

Thank you to everyone who has supported me because my mental is not doing ok right now.

If you guys don't mind I might make these bots more often because I've bottled so much shit up that I have a whole bar.

Things may change, I'm not sure if or when, but one thing for sure is that I need reassurance.

It sounds selfish when I ask for it but it's the truth.

Have a good night, everybody.